There is, in the Christian ethos, a saying that you, if you are a righteous person, should turn the other cheek, if another person does you wrong, instead of repaying wrong for wrong. Or, rather, that if someone harms you, it would be wrong for you to harm them in return.
Now, we do know that part of the traditions of many people who continue to maintain what many of us would consider to be outdated practices, is that of the 'eye for and eye ...' principle. Namely that if anybody does something to you harm you, you or your family 'has the right' do a similar harm to that person, or their family/tribe owes you or your family/tribe a debt.
One can imagine that, from such basic and personal concept and practice of justice, more enlightened societies have developed more complex and objective theories of justice, where we not only consider the action of the person being accused of doing the wrong, but also their motives, mental capacity and the likely impact of the circumstances surrounding the wrong was done, and how they might have contributed to the commission of the offending act.
And yet, knowing all this, what is a loyal son to do, when his own father, by his selfish and egocentric behaviour, his lack of ability to empathise with others, makes grievous and libellous accusations against him, and inflicts enormous emotional and psychological pain on him?
Is he to 'turn the other cheek', which could result in his vengeful father causing him further harm? Or should he simply say, father, you know I have not done what you have accused me of, or have done you any harm, and yet you are breaking my heart with your wrongful accusations and your spiteful behaviour toward me? Will you not come to your senses and stop this madness which is destroying my soul and my life?
Am I not your loyal son, one who has been there for you up till now, and who still desire to be there for you still? What comfort can you take in causing me such horrendous harm? How can you a father behave like this to a loyal son?
Should he ask of his father what benefit is to be gained for either of them or any members of the family for him to continue to be consumed by his now obsessive and destructive behaviour? And what if his father will not heed his or the counsel of anybody else; should this loyal son continue to risk his own emotional and psychological health, by making overtures to a father who either cannot or will not hear, or both?
Does it really help anybody if he were to, somewhat masochistically, 'turns the other cheek', simply to have his father slapping him again, repeatedly, in his inability to empathise and his apparent desire to inflict pain? Is it not the case that this is a father who thrives on causing pain to others; a person who is only capable of perceiving the pain he believes others have caused him or he has chosen to extract from the actions of others?
Does this loyal son, therefore, has any other rational choice than to walk away from his father; thereby not freeing himself from, but reducing the intensity of the pain which his father's actions and attitude is causing to him and the family?
Pain is something which we are sometimes powerless to remove or to sufficiently control, while we are in relationships which have become dysfunctional. As much as we might perceive it as undesirable and as a failure on our parts, sometimes it really is the best, the healthiest option for us to let go of a relationship, walk away from it and continue to try to live the rest of our lives as happily as we are able to do.
Endeavour to live you life as happily and enjoyably as you can, and strive to let go of any traumatic relationships which are proving unresponsive to your concerted attempts to improve them. We are not blessed with living long enough to aspire towards the unobtainable achievement of sainthood.
No comments:
Post a Comment